Counting your blessings
Digging into someone's tragedy for the purpose of a story is no easy task, but in the end, it always makes me appreciate life a little more. Plus: US soccer, shoe throwing, and an ACC kickoff preview.
I’ve written my share of hard stories. In truth, they’re the ones really worth writing. But asking folks to relive some of the toughest moments of their lives -- it can be draining. I don’t think you can connect with people on a really hard story unless you’re willing to invest in it, to feel the emotions that they’re explaining, and then those hard things become your hard things, too. Maybe other journalists can compartmentalize better. Not me.
That’s how it was reporting this story on NC State’s DJ Eliot and his family. They lost their daughter, Drue, at 18 last year. She’d battled cancer since she was 12. Her loss was still incredibly raw for DJ, his amazing wife Miekel, and their three other children. Drue’s impact was immense in her short time. That was palpable doing the reporting.
I’d been talking to the Eliots for the story since February, and the deadline for when the story would run got pushed back a bunch of times. In the interim, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, too. Two types of cancer actually. She’s been getting treatment at Penn -- in the same building Drue had much of her treatment at. I’d flown to Philly a few months ago to spend some time with my mom and drive her to some appointments, including one at Penn. I stupidly thought that this would be a great time to work on this story -- transcribe some interviews and sketch out a plan. And as I’m listening back to my conversation with Miekel, I’m watching kids -- 8, 10, 12, younger? -- with no hair and parents by their side, coming in and out for treatment of their own. I ended up sobbing in the waiting room.
But here’s the thing. I’m crying and typing and listening to the interview and I get to a part where Miekel is explaining how they landed on a surgeon in St. Louis to operate on a tumor on Drue’s upper leg, near her hip. Other surgeons had suggested amputation. Most had advised that she’d either never walk properly again or that she shouldn’t have the surgery at all and take her chances with chemo and radiation. But this doctor -- he thought he could do the surgery.
And Miekel’s explaining how they found this guy... how he’d do the surgery and then they’d never see him again... how strange that was... and how surly and gruff the guy was despite being exceptional at his job. Her final description: “He was like an older, shorter Dave Doeren.”
I listened to that and I burst out laughing.
That’s the thing about this story. It was incredibly sad. It does not have a happy ending. It is still a gutting experience for DJ and his family. But amid all the stories about all the hard times, there were so many good stories, too -- so many things that made them (and me) laugh.
That’s the thing that really stuck with me. Drue’s cancer was incredibly rare. It affects less than 250 Americans a year, and less than 25% are girls. Amid that subset, only a few have metastatic cancer. But Drue, as DJ and Miekel both said, was just unlucky.
And as they told her story, again and again, both kept coming back to the alternative: They were lucky.
Lucky to have her at all.
Lucky to see life through her eyes.
Lucky she lived as long as she did.
Lucky to work for people who cared, to have insurance that paid for her treatment, to have a job that allowed them to make all this work.
“I think about a single mom trying to do this,” Miekel said at one point, “and I just can’t fathom how it can work.”
We’re all lucky. We’re all unlucky. Life isn’t fair but it’s full of blessings. Stories like this remind me of that and as hard as they are to write, I’m always so glad I have because that’s the type of thing I need to be reminded of more often.
Step into the Wayback Machine
Three things came up over the past week that reminded me of some older stories I wrote, and I figured I’d share.
The first was this from the WNBA, in which Betnijah Laney-Hamilton threw a shoe.
Of course, shoe-throwing is old news in the college football world. Indeed, last year I wrote an oral history of Marco Wilson’s legendary shoe toss against LSU in 2020.
Secondly, after the USMNT lost in the World Cup, a renewed conversation blossomed about the expense of youth soccer, and how it is likely damaging the sport in the U.S. because so many kids are priced out of playing.
It’s a reasonable concern, and one echoed by parents of youth sports athletes across the board.
But it also reminded me of this story I wrote on former Georgia Tech punter Pressley Harvin back in 2019.1 Harvin was a dominant punter and a really fascinating person with lots of varied and impressive interests. But, of course, the thing that really stood out about him is... he’s black.
And there simply are not many black punters or kickers.
So, I set out to find out why, talking to Harvin and lots of others. I mean, there are dozens of Australian punters... but basically no black American punters. That’s weird right?
The answers on why were largely what you’d expect: Black kids don’t want to play special teams because they like being the stars... coaches don’t view black kids as specialists... black kids are better athletes so they don’t get pushed into special teams... On and on with generic tropes.
But here’s the real answer I came to: At every other position on the field, you can learn your craft by playing youth and high school sports for free.
For specialists, you need specialty position coaches that most high schools don’t employ and you need to attend camps and you need to hire your own trainers. It’s all quite expensive.
Who can afford expensive camps and trainers? Rich white kids, mostly.
Same is true for soccer, a sport that has tons of talent overlap with kickers and punters.
There are a ton of kids out there who could become the next Messi or the next Adam Vinatieri. But we don’t give them a chance because you’ve got to be able to afford to pay for it, to take time off to travel, to have all the right connections. And that’s a damned shame.
Lastly, Andrea Adelson has a story on the ACC’s new head of officials and... it’s a funny turn of events from this story me and AA wrote last year.
ACC Kickoff... um... kicks off!
So long, summer. Hello, football season.
ACC Kickoff is here. The annual event begins tomorrow at the Hilton in Uptown Charlotte. I’ll be there with Pete Thamel, Adam Rittenberg and Andrea from ESPN and a bunch of folks from ACCN, who’ll have deep-dive coverage.
I’m sure we’ll end up with a bunch of news stories out of it, but here are the biggest things I’m looking for:
Will Bill Belichick say anything to suggest he learned any lessons from last year. The thrill is gone over his arrival in the ACC, which was the overwhelming storyline last year, but I’m curious now that the shine has worn off, if he’s open to admitting he needed to make big changes.
Is Dabo on the defensive? I’ve had enough conversations with Swinney in the past few months to know he gets that things went horribly wrong last year, and I don’t think he expects anyone to be picking Clemson to win the ACC this year. But what’s his balance between acknowledging last year’s struggles and hyping this year’s team? And, secondarily, how open will he be about a QB competition that is a lot more wide open than folks think. Indeed, Clemson will be one of a just a small handful of ACC schools not bringing their QB.
What will Mike Norvell have to say about the hot seat? He’s no dummy. He knows the score. But that’ll be the whole story for a lot of folks, and I get the sense he’d really like to focus on the team.
Darian Mensah returns. Mensah has offered few on-the-record quotes since ditching Duke. What does he really have to say for himself? When I spoke with him for a TV story last year, it was obvious how uncomfortable he was talking about the money he was getting at Duke. Well, that money has more than doubled -- and the controversy around it makes talking dollars the overarching conversation for him. Darien’s a really pleasant person, and I remember thinking last year what a great fit he was -- personality-wise -- at Duke. How much is he willing to own that he left a good situation for more money? In the pros, this all makes sense and no one cares. He’s a canary in the coal mine still in college football.
OK, busy week to come. Follow on the various socials, etc. And, when this one’s over, we’re on to Tampa for SEC media days. Summer sure was fun while it lasted.
I really wanted this story to be headlined “Fear of a Black Punter.” Public Enemy is, in my mind, the best rap group of all time and Chuck D, arguably, one of the greatest vocalist in any genre.
Thank you for sharing your story about writing such a tough and beautiful story.