And the Emmy goes to...

Now that I'm a famous actor, I'll be hanging out exclusively with Hollywood big shots, fall into a life of late-night parties and illicit drugs, then die in a gutter outside the Viper Room.

Here’s a fun story.

I’m minding my own business a few weeks ago at SEC Media Days, doing the Lord’s work of interviewing Brian Kelly, when an email pops into my inbox inquiring as to whether I’d like to star in a big Hollywood production.

OK, so maybe not that big. But Hulu was shooting promos for the upcoming season of “Chad Powers”¹ and they needed someone to fill the crucial role of “Reporter No. 1.”

Well, I don’t have to tell you, it was the role I was born to play.

The premise was Steve Zahn’s character (the head coach of the fictional University of South Georgia) is holding a press conference, which is soon interrupted by his school’s top booster (played by Wynn Everett). Here’s the promo.

They also shot one with Marty & McGee — but who cares about those guys, right?

Anyway, the whole thing took about 90 minutes. The producer was a Pitt alum, and I greatly enjoyed chatting with him about the Panthers. (H2P!) There were about 25 extras in the room who, if I’m being honest, all looked more like real reporters than me.

The highlight of the event was meeting Steve Zahn, who I’ve been a huge fan of for 30-some years. He’s been in a ton of stuff, from “White Lotus” to “That Thing You Do” to my kids’ favorite, “Diary of a Wimpy Kid.” But my favorite Steve Zahn movie is one you’ve almost certainly never heard of: “Freak Talks About Sex.”

The movie came out in 1999 and is an incredibly typical ‘90s indy slacker movie in which Zahn plays the title character, Freak, who, you’ll be surprised to learn, spends a lot of the movie talking about sex. (And also smoking a lot of weed.) Josh Hamilton² plays the main character of the film, a slacker going through a quarter-life crisis. It’s funny and surprisingly deep.

The movie was an absolute dud at the box office. No one saw it and, when it came out on VHS, they actually renamed it “Blowing Smoke” in hopes of finding a new audience. That didn’t work either.

Anyway, I saw the movie for the first time in 2003 or 2004 when HBO used to show it on repeat late night. I liked it so much I actually bought the DVD, which I still have somewhere despite not owning a DVD player.

What initially drew me to the movie, however, was the setting: Syracuse.

The entire movie was filmed for less than $750K, and it was shot entirely around Syracuse, the hometown of writer/director Paul Todisco. The main characters work at Carousel Mall. If the movie had been more successful, there’s no doubt the Destiny USA project would’ve flourished far sooner. Coincidentally, I was about to start grad school at Syracuse at the same time, and I, too, was something of a slacker going through a quarter-life crisis. It spoke to me.

Flash forward to the night of the “Chad Powers” shoot, and I have a few moments to chat with Zahn.

“My kids love Diary of a Wimpy Kid,” I said. “But you know, my favorite of your movies is actually Freak Talks About Sex.”

His eyes lit up.

“No fucking way!”

Zahn gushed about how no one saw the movie but it was actually really good, and he said he’d just shown it to his kids about a year ago and they were apoplectic that it hadn’t been a bigger hit.

“You’re the first person who’s ever told me they loved that movie,” Zahn said.

I feel like Steve and I have both come a long way since that film was released. After all, we’re both big-time Hollywood actors now. But it’s nice to know that time in our lives — slackers in Syracuse with women problems and access to too much weed — will forever connect us. Unless he’s forgotten about me already. That’s how it goes in Hollywood.

Inside ACCess is back

After our summer hiatus, Andrea Adelson and I will be back hosting a new version³ of Inside ACCess on Aug. 5.

We’ll be in studio in Bristol for this show, which is something of a one-off before the season ramps up. We’ll be joined by Duke QB Darien Mensah and we’ve got some great stuff from Georgia Tech’s Haynes King, Keylan Rutledge and Brent Key.

The show (hopefully) returns full time the last week in August.

Road trip to Winston-Salem

The ACC Network’s annual fall camp road trip began this past week at Duke, and I was along for the ride to Wake Forest a day later.

Here’s our interview with Wake’s star tailback Demond Claiborne.

My takeaways: It was Day 1 of camp, so no one looked particularly sharp. Both the QB options — Robby Ashford and Deshawn Purdue — look the part, but neither had a great day throwing the ball. The O-line is a work in progress, and I could see the offense taking some time to find its footing.

The QB situation will be interesting though, if only because Wake is desperate for some consistency there. Here’s a ridiculous fact I dug up on the position:

Here’s the full ACCN Road trip schedule.

Andrea Adelson will be at Miami and Florida State, and both of us are heading out west to host the Stanford and Cal visits (alongside the great Kelsey Riggs). Be sure to tune in!

More fun QB trivia

My interview nugget of the week comes from Bowling Green QB Drew Pyne.

Bowling Green is Pyne’s fourth school overall. He arrived during 2020 amid COVID-19, where he played for Brian Kelly at Notre Dame as a member of the ACC.

Kelly left for LSU, and Pyne then started at Notre Dame (as an Independent) for Marcus Freeman.

Pyne then transferred to Arizona State, where he started for Kenny Dillingham in the Pac-12 (just before the Sun Devils moved to the Big 12).

He then transferred to Missouri (in the SEC) and started games for Eli Drinkwitz.

And now he's at Bowling Green (in the MAC) where he's playing for Heisman winner Eddie George.

Five "conferences," five head coaches, two of whom have coached in a natty, one a Heisman winner, one who's made the playoff and one who's had back-to-back top-20 seasons.

That's a hell of a ride.

The writers are idiots, Part 908

Well, the preseason All-ACC team is out and — I have some issues.

Now, I preface this by saying that preseason teams are dumb and we really know nothing, so there’s only so much to be angry about. But I’m flummoxed by the amount of Clemson love here.

Not only was Clemson the overwhelming favorite to win the conference (fair, I voted for them No. 1, too) but they landed 11 guys on the all-conference team.

Some were obvious choices: Cade Klubnik, Peter Woods, TJ Parker, Avieon Terrell.

Others? I dunno, man.

I mentioned my votes in last week’s post, which you can find HERE.

I think there’s a case for Claiborne at RB, and I’m a little surprised by Wesco (who I also voted for!) at WR. But my biggest issues are O-line and linebacker.

Start with LB: Woodaz is not an awful choice, but there are better. Sammy Brown though? His upside is obvious (and voters clearly used “upside” as a metric for Wesco and Jackson as well) but, if we’re voting based on that, why not, say, Isaiah Lofton at TE?

Meanwhile, there’s Rasheem Biles and Cade Uluave and Kyle Efford and Wesley Bissainthe… all more deserving today.

But OL is completely nuts. Is it just that no one knows squat about how to judge OL so they vote for guys on the best team?

I’m never going to tell you that Pro Football Focus’s grades are particularly valuable in these things, but as food for thought: Lincicum graded out 10th out of 14 centers in the ACC in 2025. Only four returning ACC guards graded out worse than Parks.

Meanwhile, Luke Petitbon — the clear choice at center, IMO — is overlooked.

Meanwhile, Logan Parr, Anthony Carter, Aidan Banfield, Anez Cooper, Joe Fusile, Ty Furnish, Noah Josey... all would've been better options.

Again, it means nothing, but if we didn’t complain about meaningless stuff in college sports, we’d have far too much free time on our hands.

It’s Enrico Polazzo!

I'm hoping to sneak out to the theater to see the new "Naked Gun" at some point in the next few days. The reviews have been mostly positive, though I'm dubious it holds up to the original, which ranks among my favorite movies of all time. (Seriously, go watch the baseball scenes again. The "bloopers" segment alone is one of the best bits of comedy ever put on film.)

As interested as I am in the new version, I also am excited to see a renewed interest in the spoof genre overall, something Slate's Dave Itzkoff writes about HERE.

"Airplane," "Spaceballs," and "Naked Gun" were transformative movies of my youth that helped shaped my sense of humor as much as just about anything. I absolutely devoured anything Mel Brooks or the Zucker Brothers produced. Some were better than others, but they all had moments of brilliantly blending the stupid and the sublime.

If any of you happen to check out the new "Naked Gun" this week, let me know what you think.

And, since we're on the topic, my top 10 favorite spoof movies of all time.

1. "Naked Gun."

2. "Spaceballs."

Can't wait for the sequel, but I'm a bit bummed Brooks isn't using the title he shopped around for years: "Spaceballs 3: The Search for Spaceballs 2."

3. "Airplane!"

4. "Walk Hard"

I was surprised Itzkoff didn't mention this one in his piece. It's certainly the last truly great spoof, one that not only is brilliantly funny with a genuinely good soundtrack, but one that also all but ended the genre of rock biopics for years.

5. "This is Spinal Tap"

You can't dust for vomit.

6. "Shaun of the Dead"

A top-10 spoof and a top-10 zombie movie. Impressive.

7. "Blazing Saddles"

Probably No. 1 on a lot of lists, but came a bit before my time. It's a great comedy, but it's truly brilliance is in the edginess in tackling topics like race in a way I'm not sure anyone would have the guts to do today.

8. "Top Secret"

RIP Val Kilmer.

9. "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"

10. "Weird: The Al Yankovic Story"

I'm not sure this is canon as a "spoof" but I'm not sure how else you'd categorize it. It's just that the writer (Yankovic) is spoofing his own life. It's worth a watch if you missed it when it was out. It's not quite Dewey Cox, but it's damn good.

Special legacy award: "Kentucky Fried Movie"

Go watch it if you've never seen it. Just all-out lunacy from guys who were just beginning to understand their craft.

Honorable mentions: History of the World Part I, The Austin Powers trilogy, MacGruber, Hot Shots, Young Frankenstein, the first Scary Movie, Airplane II.

Thanks for the memories, Ryno

Ryne Sandberg died on Monday.

That’s a hard sentence to type for me. Ryno was the first athlete I loved. He’s the reason I’m a Cubs fan, a baseball fan, a sports fan. He was my first idol.

The year I really began to follow baseball was 1985. I was 7, and the Cubs were fresh off their best year in… well, anyone can have a rough half-century. Sandberg was the MVP, a slick-fielding second baseman with speed and power who made Wrigley Field come alive. He was awesome.

He was also a blight on my local team, the Philadelphia Phillies.

The Phillies had been great in the late-70s and early-80s behind Mike Schmidt and Steve Carlton, but by the time I really started to care, they were in a downward spiral that, 1993 aside, would ultimately take them 20 years to climb out of. They were bad, and Ryne Sandberg was good. And this was funny to me because the Phillies were the ones who discovered Sandberg. Only, they traded him away, with Larry Bowa⁴, for Ivan DeJesus.

My friend Joe Posnanski has a lovely piece on Sandberg’s career that explains how the trade came to be. I highly recommend.

Anyway, Sandberg was both the hero of the team I now loved, and the one that got away from the team everyone else I knew loved. It was a perfect storm.

The first game I ever attended in person was Cubs-Phillies in 1987. It was at Veteran’s Stadium. I can’t remember where we sat, but the place held 80,000 and was a complete eyesore. For me, it was heaven. It was a day game in mid-summer. My dad and I baked in the sun, ate about a dozen hot dogs, and we were the only people around us to stand up and cheer each time Ryno came to bat.

The summer after eighth grade, my dad and me drove out to Chicago, so I could see a game at Wrigley Field. We actually went to two — July 8, 1990 vs. Cincinnati and July 9 vs. Atlanta⁵. I remember getting off the red line at Addison and seeing Wrigley, and it felt like a movie set. This can’t be real, I thought. I remember walking into the stadium under the giant marquee, climbing down the stairs toward the third base line where Harry Caray was holding court with players and coaches, and seeing Ryno fielding grounders at second, as much a part of the movie set as the wooden scoreboard and the giant Budweiser sign on the rooftop outside left field. It’s possibly the best moment of my childhood.

As I grew up, I found other athletes I loved as much or more — Mark Grace, Greg Maddux, Kerry Wood — though most could be traced back to my first fling with Ryno. We also loathed the same person — former Cubs GM Larry Himes — in equal measure. I always thought playing second base was cool, too, though I never was any good at it.

As it turned out, 25 years after I first became a Ryne Sandberg fan, I got a chance to meet him. More than that, actually. I got to cover him. He was the bench coach under Charlie Manuel with the Phillies, and I was on my third (and last) season covering the team.

Sandberg had been prickly with the media during his playing days, but I found him to be humble and charming and smart and generous with his time. He was incredibly professional and insightful when answering any questions I asked. I listened like I was still 10 years old and meeting my hero.

Me and Ryno at Frenchy’s in Clearwater Beach in 2012, celebrating our mutual pal Paul Hagen, who was being inducted into the Hall of Fame that year.

It’s funny how that happens. The things that meant the most to us as kids always have a way of bringing us back to a simpler time, a time when we were young and the world was still full of magic, a place where our heroes were exactly who we wanted them to be.

Turns out, Ryno really was exactly who I wanted him to be, and I’m now the person I am, in no small part, because of him.

Maybe that’s why it felt like such a gut punch to learn he’d died. I’m 47 now, and life has taught me that too many of our heroes are actually jerks, and so much of that magic we saw in the world as kids has faded into the background as the drudgery of everyday life takes center stage.

But there’s still that 10-year-old version of me that remembers seeing Ryno play for the first time, remembers when I walked into the stands at Wrigley for the first time, remembers the 1989 playoff run and the hope of each new season that followed. That’s an incredible gift to give someone, the ability to still see the world, just a little bit, through those eyes. That’s what Ryne Sandberg gave me.

1. The show certainly feels like a football rip-off of Ted Lasso — a sports comedy about a fish-out-of-water character based on an ad campaign from a few years back. But, it’s got some very talented people behind it, and I think it could be quite funny. The first season debuts Sept. 30 on Hulu.

2. Hamilton also starred a movie called “Kicking and Screaming” — not the Will Ferrell soccer movie — which may be the archetype for the ‘90s indy slacker film.

3. What’s the new version? Well, we’re still figuring some of that out, but the aim is to make it more of a podcast feel — something that’ll slide in alongside a new podcast-y show featuring Roddy Jones and EJ Manuel — and will go from 30 minutes to an hour. I think this should give us an opportunity to go a lot more in depth and also do a lot more dumb stuff.

4. It’s crazy that both guys the Phillies traded in that deal would later manage the team. Neither had much success at the job though.

5. The Cubs lost the second game vs. the Braves in a terrific pitchers’ duel between Danny Jackson and Charlie Liebrandt, in which neither starter surrendered a run They won the first one when Rey Sanches was hit by a pitch with the bases loaded in the bottom of the 10th. Paul Assenmacher was the winning pitcher. After the game, my dad and I stood outside the Cubs parking lot waiting for autographs. Assenmacher came out and snubbed everyone. My dad called him an asshole.